How to Steal a Million (1966)

  • Only a ’60s movie would feature, within the first four minutes, an auction room painted entirely red, as well as a purple staircase that is garish as hell. My brain does not understand such things.
  • Audrey Hepburn + art forgery = How have I never seen this until now?
  • Ah! Charles Boyer! Haven’t seen him in years!
  • Poor Audrey Hepburn – she can only get dates with foreign tycoons interested in her father’s art collection. Sigh. Tough life.
  • Holy cow. I mean – I know I shouldn’t be surprised, because of who we’re talking about – but that black lacy ensemble Audrey Hepburn (Nicole) wears to dinner with Simon (Peter O’Toole) once she needs him to steal the Venus? The dress, coupled with the super sparkly earrings & silver eyeshadow? Goddamn, that woman knew how to make an impression. (I understand that the costume designer – Givenchy, of course – and makeup artists – Alberto De Rossi & Freddie Williamson – get a lot of credit for this particular instance, but, you know…still.)
  • Peter O’Toole & Audrey Hepburn are great together. I want this to be for always!
  • Nicole: You really are the smuggest and most hateful man.

Simon: If you frequent criminal circles, you can’t be choosy.

  • “And don’t ask me why or I’ll hit you with a bucket!” — Simon

(Must remember to use that line sometime.)

  • “Oh! Superb Rembrandt.” — Simon

Jokes on you, Peter O’T! There’s no such thing as a superb Rembrandt!

(…Just kidding.)

(Except for the part where I’m not.)

  • How convenient that there’s an antique fireplace for AH & Peter O’T to duck into while the museum’s closing!
  • Now they’re trapped in a closet. All the best things happen while being trapped in a closet – they needn’t worry.
  • These lock & key tricks Simon is pulling are badass. I’m a huge fan.
  • Love the way the camera focuses on the paintings’ & sculptures’ reactions to what Simon & Nicole are attempting to do.
  • Ha! AH & Peter O’T just started making out. I told you all the best things happen while being trapped in a closet!
  • Love the decision to have Peter O’T dressed as a guard in the guard’s room while AH is trying to escape. Exquisitely handled.
  • “We’re saved! You don’t have to go to jail, I don’t have to go to America.” — Nicole
  • Bonnet (Nicole’s father, played by Hugh Griffith): Is he always so abrupt?

Nicole: Not in the closet.

(HIGH. QUALITY.)

  • I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, but I think the casting director should get a lot of credit for that. If the main roles had been filled by people other than Audrey Hepburn & Peter O’Toole, I don’t think the movie would’ve worked nearly as well. Their participation in it brought the movie up to higher level of success than would have been achieved with other people installed in the same roles.
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