Wife vs. Secretary (1936)

• Directed by Clarence Brown.

• Screenplay by Norman Krasna, John Lee Mahin, & Alice Duer Miller, from the “Cosmopolitan” magazine story by Faith Baldwin.

• This is a re-watch. And – first thing’s first – I hate, hate, hate this movie’s title. It is a bad title, and the fact that it isn’t called something better A) greatly upsets me, and B) prevents – I genuinely believe – this film from being more well-remembered & more beloved today.

This is a film with fucking Clark Gable, Myrna Loy, Jean Harlow and James Stewart, written (in part) by a couple of dudes with 6 Oscar nominations (& 1 win – Krasna for writing PRINCESS O’ROURKE (1943)) between them! But no one wants to chat about, reference, or celebrate a movie with a name as dumb as this! So they don’t, and this gem continually gets shoved back into the MovieWorld Acclaim Pantry…and that makes me peeved.

• For the record, this film begins on “Monday, November the 8th.” (This is not significant in any way – it’s just that Clark Gable asks Myrna Loy what day it is over breakfast, and that is what she says, in reply.)

• Anyhow – Clark Gable is Van “Jake” Stanhope, a magazine publisher, who’s married to Linda (Loy). This was Loy & Gable’s fourth film together, following NIGHT FLIGHT (1933), MEN IN WHITE (1934), & MANHATTAN MELODRAMA (1934), and their chemistry is immediately magical. In fact – that’s one of the things I always remember most solidly about this film – how instantly believable their romantic connection & marriage is, based on that opening sequence.

Also, though: trout for breakfast? Who eats trout for breakfast?! The sparkly-ass, diamond-encrusted anniversary present inside the dead fish body almost succeeds in making up for/distracting from this nonsense morning food choice…but not quite.

• Jean Harlow is Gable’s A+ secretary, Ms. “Whitey” Wilson – who’s smart, beautiful, and here’s the kicker – 100% respectful of the fact that there is a Mrs. Stanhope. This is one of the major scams of the film’s title – it wants you to believe (or at least be suspicious) from the outset that Whitey is out to tramp-nab Van away from classy, beloved Linda…and that is flat-out, not at all true.

Poor Whitey. She’s so good at her job, & tries so hard to play the employee/boss PROFESSIONAL relationship by the book – all while being devoted to boyfriend Dave (an adorable James Stewart)…and she still gets accusatorily screwed over by the Gang of Distrustfuls (led, of course, by Public Enemy #1 – Mimi (Van/Jake’s dreadful rabble-rouser of a mother, played by May Robson)).

• I love the way Jean Harlow plays Whitey’s reaction to BF Dave’s ‘I got a raise, now you can quit your job and we can get married and start your dream family now’ speech – she says no once, thoughtfully & gracefully – and when he keeps pushing, instead of caving or making promises she does not intend to hold true to…she – ever so firmly, yet still gently as hell – says no again.

The beautiful confidence with which she delivers her “I can’t do that now, Dave,” is everything I ever want to be.

• Further, y’all – this is not the Harlow that anyone remembers. This character is not brazen, sassy, lustful, or aggressive in any way – and for that, I will always see this as one of her very best performances, as well as proof of how immensely talented at acting she was (or, you know, had come to be).

• Whitey: “You know, I could get you skating.”

Dave: “Oh no – I don’t feel like it. I’ll just watch.”

(If only Stewart had responded similarly when they came to him with THE ICE FOLLIES OF 1939, amiright…?)

• Regardless of my distaste for unnecessary miscommunication (goddamn it, Linda – if you have questions, just ASK THEM) – I think Myrna Loy does a lovely job at portraying the resultant, corresponding emotion. She reacts to Jake’s perceived deceptions with a quiet, mystified sadness that fits the character just right.

• Three (okay, maybe one & a half) cheers for Jake refusing to make decisions regarding Whitey’s career based on requests from and/or “favors” to Linda.

(The 1.5 star demerit is obviously for him withholding her promotion & opportunity for advancement for his own selfish business reasons. Like – I get that she’s the best damn assistant he’ll ever be able to find…but fuck, man! Whitey deserves to professionally (& monetarily) grow!!!)

• The physical comfortability that exists between Loy & Gable in this film is delicious.

• Loy crushes the scene where Linda reacts to hearing Whitey’s voice on the other end of that super late night call to Havana. Her half of the “conversation” is completely wordless – and the stunnedly still disappointment she conveys with her expressions & gestures is absolute nails.

Also, when Van returns from the trip & attempts to explain the situation (a biiiiit late there, buddy), I love the gentle-voiced ice with which Loy/Linda delivers the line:

“I mean that you haven’t touched on the minor point as to why Ms. Wilson was in your room at 2 o’clock in the morning.”

(And like…this is a fair, fair sentiment, pals. It sucks for Jake & even more for Whitey – but like, it is absolutely fair.)

• As for MIMI – – I’d like to stuff her in a box and/or phone booth & push her off the side of a cliff, à la that old scooter hag in WAKING NED DEVINE (1998). Additionally, I might like for there to be some fire involved. Ahem:

“Well, dear, men are like that – so honorable and able and wise in some things, and just like naughty children in others.”

(AGH! Rage!!!)

She continues: “You wouldn’t blame a little boy for stealing a piece of candy, if left alone in a room with a whole box full, would you?”

Husbands ARE NOT LITTLE BOYS, and women SHOULD NOT – ever – BE COMPARED TO BOXES OF CANDY.

Fuck off, Mimi. [Insert loud, prolonged wail-scream here.]

• Luckily, none of this matters, because Jake is a MAN who did NOT grab the candy.

• Whitey’s “Because if he ever turns to me, I won’t turn away,” line aboard the ship (boat?) as part of her sharp-edged plea to Runaway Linda is fantastic. Great job with that one, writers.

• The tiny, knowing smile Whitey gives Linda at the office doorway – when Linda’s taken her advice & disembarked the boat (ship?) to reclaim her a husband – is also to die for. Yet another beautiful, wordless moment.

• Dave’s movie-closing Bit o’ Wisdom sounds an awful lot like Debbie Reynolds’s advice to Vitamin Tiffany in MARY, MARY (1963):

“Well, I’ve found this out: don’t look for trouble where there isn’t any – because if you don’t find it, you’ll make it.”

• I really adore this film. Though there are frustrating narrative elements (I’m talking about you, Mimi!)(& of course, also about Linda’s unwillingness to ask key clarifying questions of her trusted life partner early on), the overall story & the central characters – the two main women, in particular – are more than enough to make up for that. The film is utterly unique in the way it presents stereotypical pathways for its characters to go down – going so far as to articulate these prospective roads & pretend they’ve been chosen via tricks of character perspective (here, I’m referring to the Van/Whitey romantic involvement, as well as the suggestion that Linda accept Jake’s infidelity & carry on their marriage with a blind eye) – – but which never actually play out in that prescribed, eyeroll-worthy manner.

The edge this gives to considering & analyzing these characters is immense – and I love how undeniably interesting it makes both Linda & Whitey. (Because also, hey, guess what – V.S./Jake has an extremely static role in all of this…the women hold all the power & are making all the moves/decisions here. Which is fucking awesome.)

• Anyhow – this is a wonderful film for any fan of Gable, Loy, Harlow, or Stewart – let alone of all four. If you haven’t seen it…grab yourself a diamond bracelet from the dead body of a breakfast trout, lace up your ice skates – and check it out.